my favourite rock

Kia ora Friends,

Oh my loves. I wasn't sure what I wanted to say today. There are many flooded houses here. My daughter's days left at home sift through our fingers with the urgency of a star racing toward explosion. I count again and again, looking up at her as she already towers above me, how many years left? How many days? The most prominent headlines are trauma and greed masked as power struggles and posturing.

I felt a little sick at the idea of cluttering your inbox with more "LOOK AT ME" nonsense so as I avoided it, sitting alone in the living room and losing myself in a stream of videos from my favourite poets singing my favourite songs till tears streamed down my face.

I have two things to say to you today.

If you are tired or in pain, rest. We can hold you.

As I sang and sobbed, I remembered a moment during my compassion training in 2017, midway through a group meditation. Dozens of us chanting in unison

may all beings be free from danger
may all beings be free from fear
may all beings be free from suffering
may all beings know peace
may all beings live in ease
may all beings contribute the betterment of the world

In that soothing, intoxicating rhythm I realised that I could take a breath. There was space and richness and support for each one of us to pause as we needed, inhale deeply, and join again when we were ready.

If you are tired, if you are heart broken, lean back. The cradle of this moment, in this community, will hold you. You can rest. You are allowed to rest.

Like an otter, I will share my favourite rock with you

Otters keep a favourite rock under their arms (in a built-in skin pocket) and use it as tool for years. Here are my own recent rocks, the tools that cleaved open my heart and reconnected me with the beauty all around.

• Our small village has an ANZAC parade, where the local fire brigade and scout troop march. The school principal reminded us that those who paid the ultimate sacrifice did this to protect that which we cherish now, a rare precious privilege of safe streets, healthy land, children wild and free. And it is our responsibility to keep protecting these treasures. He quoted a common school phrase, "Curious not furious." It was our duty to show up to difference with respect and dignity, for ourselves and others.
• This week I was on the bus reading Dolores Mosquera's Working with Voices and Dissociative Parts. She too reminds us that this work requires curiosity, respect, and compassion for each voice or part, understanding it developed at some point to care or protect the client the best it could (given it's capacity and developmental level at the time).
  
  And as I read about the theory, a woman a few rows ahead of me talked to her voices. She reminded one that they weren't in Napier anymore, that they didn't need to respond that way, that they were safe now. She chastised another that we didn't need to yell or throw things. We could wait. She whispered sweetly to another, tucking her chin and sighing with empathy, "oh it is hard. that is frustrating. they did let you down."
  
  She got off a few stops later and I watched her pink hair swing. Was this therapy work? Did she just know what she needed (reorientation to present safety then soothing and comfort)? I have no answers, simply a tenderness, a memory I clutch at.
• Gregory Boyle quotes the scripture verses reminding us that God delights in us. Regardless of what you believe, could we delight in this feast of humanity?
  
  In this moment, someone is crying. and someone is holding a hand. and someone is birthing a baby. and someone is finding a new frog, and you. YOU! you are awake and breathing and have this wild bonkers noble intention to make the world a bit better. I delight in you.
  
  Goodness gracious, I'm so glad you are alive. I'm glad you do what you do. Thank you.
  
  Thank you for your effort, for the mahi (work), for simply your intention (which Buddhists argue is a crucial and redeeming first step).

Kerry Keeps Doing Stuff

• Staff Burnout Support I recently partnered with the Hutt Valley Women's Refuge Center to providing quarterly staff support. If your nonprofit or charitable organization may be interested in similar support or burnout prevention, just reply to this email and let's chat.
• For anyone interested in the regular planning and reflection exercise we started at the beginning of 2026, there's a new installment at the "Good Enough Year 2026" Google Doc.
• For local folks, please join me for a cheeky talk about the lies of burnout and self-care on 23 June at 12 PM in the gorgeous Ngā Pou Ruahine room of the newly reopened Te Matapihi Wellington Central Library.

• Would you like me to speak to your group? I just updated my 'book a talk' page including talk descriptions and the variety of formats that I offer.

New news!

• Mental health and therapy advocate, Noah Kahan, just released a new album!
• Did you know Janina Fisher, international trauma expert, has a podcast? It is so adorably good. The audio quality is up and down but what a gift to hear her share insights from over 50 years of complex trauma expertise.
• The USA National Center for PTSD's regular Clinician Trauma Update is available here, including the recently published 'State of the Science: MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for the treatment of posttraumatic stress disorder'

Wishing you fluffy crumpets, banging beats, and the unwavering love of a pet. With all my heart, Kerry