NOTE FROM KERRY:

Hey all y’all,

What’s up?! Spring has sprung here and in addition to hedgehogs scrambling and grunting through the evening fields, I have a number of people dear to me expecting babies soon. This letter is dedicated to everyone welcoming a new kiddo into the world and into your home.

People will tell you it goes so fast. And then they’ll admonish you to savor every minute. This is hard to swallow when you smell like curdled milk and fantasize about 5 hours of sleep. Tim’s grandfather used to say The days are long but the years are short which during those early years, felt more deeply true.

Below is an adapted version of the “you’re expecting a baby!” email I’ve been sending to loved ones for a decade.

Things you can do while waiting for baby

1. Figure out child care/get on waiting lists etc

2. Find a pediatrician, we did this in the last trimester. Most pediatricians will do little meet and greet interviews for no charge. Our priorities were someone who was clear about the evidence in favor of vaccinations, available some nights and weekends, and a person we  felt really comfortable with. Both our pediatricians in New Mexico and CA have a philosophy of "I'll tell you the science and what I recommend and then we will talk about what makes the most sense for your family b/c every family is different." Which we loved. (This is a US specific rec.)

3. Think a little bit about how much nursing or bottle feeding you want
   to do1.

4. Get your support network in place. It really helps to have a few friends (maybe at least one who is a parent) who you can say anything to and they're just supportive and not judge-y. Parenting is such a roller coaster and Tim and I both felt completely lost at times and at times felt very solid with a not-so-popular parenting perspective. Almost everyone has a strong opinion about what a parent is doing wrong…I found it really important to have some people who I could ask all the embarrassing questions to (Are you really giving them vitamin supplements? Am I the only one who fell asleep with the baby in the bed? Will my stomach always look like this? Did we ruin our lives?) and some people you can say all the things that few people say and 99% of people feel at some point (I hate being pregnant! I really miss the freedom of not having kids. I would pay one million dollars for her to go to sleep right now).

   MY FAVORITE EARLY PARENTING BOOKS
   
   Expecting 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice for Your Pregnancy Paperback
   
   by  Michele Hakakha M.D. (Author), Ari Brown M.D. (Author)
   You'll notice I am recommending three by this team. They're practical, clear, concise, and evidence based. Expecting 411 was a really nice prep and gives you a wide range of information. The authors have little tidbits from their own parenting adventures or their patients' (they're a pediatrician and an OB/GYN).
   
   Baby 411: Clear Answers & Smart Advice For Your Baby's First Year
   by Ari Brown M.D. (Author) , Denise Fields (Author)
   Same as above. In our sleep deprived state, Tim and I DAILY would say to each other 'I don't know! Look at Baby 911!!!!' :) As I'm writing about it, I think what I love about these books is that they're like a cliff notes meta-analysis of all the important baby info. Then you can pick and choose what you want or need more info on and they will recommend other books.
   
   Baby Bargains: Secrets to Saving 20% to 50% on baby furniture, gear,
   clothes, strollers, maternity wear and much, much more!
   by  Denise Fields (Author) Denise Fields (Author) , Alan Fields (Author)
   This is the ONLY book I've ever seen that says 'A and B are a total waste of money, do not buy them. We know C is expensive but this is very important for your baby's safety. Sorry, you should buy this.' Again, basically a compendium of safety reviews, ratings, etc for all baby gear. Then they break recs down to 'bargain best buy, nicer/more expensive best buy, and if-Grandma-is-buying-and-money-is-no-object buy' Super helpful.
   
   The Happiest Baby on the Block
   by Harvey Karp
   Don't buy this, just get it from the library or borrow from a friend or get it used. Basically, (at the time I was reading the old version) it was a glorified pamphlet, a super helpful pamphlet but not really worthy of a whole book of info. I read the whole thing in one day and picked three important pages for Tim to read ;) You could start here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harvey_Karp
   
   **I will say the 'Happiest Baby on the Block' CD2 was our miracle. I'm sure there's other sounds out there but basically, those $10 still provide hours upon hours of sleep to the whole family.
   
   Every baby is different but for me and a few of my friends, it worked well to go through a brief checklist with my baby (when she  was 0-4 months). Once we could confirm that she was fed, dry, and warm enough then we would just start doing the Harvey Karp "5 S's" till she fell asleep. Magic.
   
   What to Expect the First Year
   by Sandee Hathaway (Author) , Arlene Eisenberg (Author) , Heidi Murkoff
   I avoided a bunch of baby books b/c they felt preachy and patronizing. I heard that about the original 'what to expect when you're expecting' so never got it. Then my spitfire lawyer Mama friend recommended this and she was right. It's not a compendium of info but it has a nice chapter for each month and has a laid back approach and some really good tips I haven't found anywhere else.
   
   Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year
   by Anne Lamott
   I read a bunch of fiction and poetry to address my own 'holy ** what did I get into?' This comedic memoir was my absolute favorite. It's Anne Lamott's diary for her first year as a single Mom living in Marin and oh my goodness it just makes you love her and parenting so much. She's very honest about the high and low points of raising an infant.

Reader recs

1. Grounded and Gentle Parenting Courses, science-based courses developed by Drs. Melissa Londoño Connally3 and Beth Janis, both clinical psychologists with lots of experience helping parents. Also their IG is like a warm hug:

Welcome to your next adventure friends.

Love, Kerry