Look Back to 2023 Before You Plan 2024
An argument for examining how you got here before you plan your next year. Put another way, getting to Point B begins with being fully at Point A.
Why annual reflection? These long days make short years.
Can you feel it? As the calendar turns to 2024, do you feel time slipping like I do? My joints ache a bit more each year and now as I look back at old photos from reunions and weddings, I linger on the faces of those people who I expected wouldn’t greet this year, and also those who I am shocked are no longer here.
Why mark the new year? Why pause at another revolution to look backwards and plan forwards? For me, these regular reflections are useful for
- recognizing successes so I know what is working and I can keep doing it
- documenting my mistakes so I can learn from them and change what isn’t working
- reset my compass toward the life I want to continue to create, look at where I am drifting away from the life I yearn for and course correct.
Annie Dillard says in The Writing Life, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.” It is all too easy to spend our minutes, hours, and days in a haze of automatic responding. Drifting in a cultural current without paddling toward our own version of a life well lived.
How to learn from 2023
(I recommend Year Compass for a deep dive writing exercise at the end of each year. But that 20 page pamphlet isn’t the right fit for everyone. Below is the skeleton version of my own annual practice; it is is what I do and teach others in therapy and consultation.)
1. Look back over your last year, flip through your calendar or your journal, and make notes of highlights and lowlights. I typically organize these notes by month.
Example:
Jan
- long tramp/camp, amazing, real break
- quit job (without lots of second guessing)
- Grandfather birthday
Feb
- new friendship with A
- start volunteering
- stopped bookclub
March
- D came to visit from US
- slam poetry event
- did trauma training
2. Float up a level. After reviewing a pile of moments across 2023, answer the following questions:
- What were my big accomplishments?
- What were my best moments?
- What were my worst moments and what did I learn from them?
- What small, regular habits are working for me?
Some people find it helpful to organize these answers into buckets such as self, love/family, community, and trade/profession. Some people have additional buckets for service, religion, fitness, and making the world better.
3. Put it all together in a few summary headlines:
In 2023 I savored ____________
In 2023 I celebrated ____________
In 2023 I struggled with ____________
In 2023 I learned ____________
An aside on pain
The painful parts of 2023 are fruitful places for learning. Sure, looking at the past year’s successes and happy habits are nice. I will maintain those habits (like clean eating and daily walking), then I will use what is working with my studying and see if I can apply those same habits to improve my relationships and my cooking.
BUT the painful parts are lessons unbidden. These uninvited truths are gold, if we’re willing to look at them. The places I screwed up in 2023, the places I was deeply wrong, WOW, that is a glaring neon sign on what I need to learn, on my weaknesses, growth edges, and offensive blindspots.
More on self compassion in the future but for now, if you fear that you may drown in fear or guilt while looking at these hard moments, begin with the three steps of self compassion.
Self compassion is kindness to yourself or love in action. It has three facets:
- awareness of emotional pain,
- recognition that all people experience this…it is a common experience of being human,
- and a balanced, proportionate view of the pain; not avoiding it but not collapsing into the darkest depths
Here’s a brief self compassion script to get you started:
- Recognition: This is hard.
- Validation and normalization: This is part of being human. Everyone feels this way sometimes.
- Soothing: We can do this together. I am right here with you.
Next time, a concrete clear plan for developing 2024 goals with quarterly reflection and refinement. This is sustainable life honing, not quick hacks.
Love, Kerry