Hello Loved Ones and kio ora koutou,

Recent delights

A few recent delights from my life:

1. My mama’s bread stuffing recipe, delicious baked outside the bird (you may want to reduce the salt to 1 and 1/2 teaspoons).

2. Honing my skill at Halloween makeup:

Thanks for reading Dr Kerry's Love Letters: words for the weary! This post is public so feel free to share it.

3. Humour as a wonderful coping strategy for this trying time. Research indicates that “Humor is considered an adaptive coping strategy as it could reduce the burden of perceived stress and increase positive emotional states when dealing with stressful situations.”

Holiday advice

Healing fantasies and better holidays with family:

• Your loved ones are pushing your buttons because they made your buttons.
• We are all doing the best we can.
• You cannot change anyone else so stop trying.
• You can only adjust how to relate to other people or the experience in front of you.

As Dr. Gibson points out, “Unfortunately, the healing fantasy is a child’s solution that comes from a child’s mind, so it often doesn’t fit adult realities.” Ugh, yes! This fantasy collapsed each Thanksgiving. 

Your homework:

• For this week, I humbly suggest you begin to look for the ways you fuel your own healing fantasies, and especially where your experience tells you that it isn’t working. 
• Look for the times you yearn to recreate old memories or you work to make something perfect (and likely unattainable). 
• Look for the ways you crush yourself into a list of adjectives and expectations in the hopes of fulfilling these dreams. 
• See where it leads when you complete this sentence: If only I am __________ or have __________ then I will be enough/happy/safe. 

And a few more posts from last year:

How you can avoid crying in the closet this holiday season

Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

Dr Kerry's Love Letters: words for the wearyKerry Makin-Byrd, PhD

Sure, you're immature and dreading the holidays; now what?

Kia ora koutou! (Hello all in te reo Maori),

Dr Kerry's Love Letters: words for the wearyKerry Makin-Byrd, PhD

Wishing you delicious food, warm hugs, and a door that locks if you need peace and quiet. 😅

Sending Love, Kerry