Dear Struggling Therapist

Dear Struggling Therapist,

This is hard. I know you feel so frustrated and overwhelmed by the amount of the suffering in the world. We don’t yet know how to perfectly absolve or erase the deep trauma that humans perpetrate on each other. I know sometimes you fall into this allusion that if you’re good enough, compassionate enough, and well-honed enough then your clients won’t feel pain. I know sometimes you tell yourself that if you were *just good enough at your job* your clients would endlessly improve no matter what life throws at them. I know that you hold an old story that clinical success looks ONE specific way.

I love you…so I’m gonna be blunt. That’s horse manure. All of it. Don’t put that on your clients and don’t put it on yourself.

1. Be humble. It is arrogant to believe that you have so much control or impact on your client’s life.

• For example, remember the therapist that you fired? You were angry with her for a while, but be honest. She did not ruin your life.
• Think about your favorite therapist….she definitely made your life better. Was it because she was perfect in every session? NO. Remember when you laughed aloud because her advice was such a bad fit? Yes. Was she deeply human with good days and bad days? Yes. Was she still totally awesome and worth it? Yes. 

Let your clients have ups and downs, let yourself have ups and downs. 

2. There is no definition of success. And it sure as hell isn’t some BS you learned about everything being solved in 8 weeks using a manualised treatment. Remember how you work with humans? Remember how they (and you!) are engaged in an ongoing dance of life?

Creating intentional valued living based on a client’s definition takes times. How dare you think that something that important and sacred comes in a standard size or timeline. Do you remember the roots of this myth? It was the research studies who only treated people without trauma history and without systematic stressors.

Remember. Bow down. You are walking with people who have a full rich real history, and you are walking with them to a different place.

3. Remember the basics. Come back to the fundamentals. Say to yourself what you would say to a client.

• Eat and drink. (Not in theory, now. Right now, go drink some water.)
• Breathe deeply.
• Sit in quiet.
• Look at nature.
• Visualize one good thing you did today, one way you benefited the world.
• Remember one way you felt loved or supported or benefitted from another today.

Love, Kerry