[book excerpt] Start Here - the ending placed at the beginning

[This Start Here excerpt was originally published on the Wellington City Libraries website.]

Shout out to Josh Hillis who placed the ending of his book 'Lean & Strong' right at the beginning, a inspiring and calming choice. Also, gratitude to Ben Sedley, an expert in writing disarmingly honest self-help books that inspired my vulnerable writing.

Special thank you to all the stewards of books, to the librarians, the book sellers, the readers on the bus or tucked under trees. You make this world of words possible. You support it with your interest and time and money. Thank you with my whole heart.

Aroha (love / compassion),

Kerry

Here is the ending, placed at the beginning.

Overcoming overwhelm requires three steps:

After a little practice, you can complete these three steps in less than a minute.

For example:

» Notice that you are overwhelmed (three seconds).

» Soothe: Take a long, slow breath (seven seconds).

» Transcend: Name your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations (eighteen seconds).

» Move: Remind yourself of your defining value or goal for this moment and take the first small action towards that goal (twenty seconds).

I woke up with my heart pounding in my chest. Again.

Breathing in short gasps, I replayed the worst moments of the last few days: my cousin’s escalating anxiety symptoms, the overwhelm and minutiae of planning a six-day camping trip, an argument with a friend. Not large traumas, just the normal moments of life, piled high and deep, layering over me. Like waves crashing over my head, I was desperate for time or space to catch a breath. Each day this week I was tighter, less focused and quicker to anger. Each night I had less sleep, startling awake from a nightmare at 2, 3 or 4 a.m.

I’m a clinical psychologist. Each day I teach people the tools of self-soothing, gaining perspective and moving forward from overwhelm.

But tonight, all those tools were inaccessible.

I scrolled desperately through my phone . . . eight meditation apps and I still felt lost.

‘I need a manual!’ I thought.

I wanted a guide to tell me in clear, simple language how to walk myself out of overwhelm, step by step. I needed how-to instructions so I could pick myself out of the crashing surf and sit back on the rocky shore.

This is that manual. There are three key steps: soothe, transcend and move.

We will learn tools to soothe ourselves when we’re stuck in a fight-or-flight response.

Then, we will learn to transcend a difficult moment, widening and realigning our perspective.

Finally, as we are enjoying our calmer and more spacious stance, we will ground ourselves in our values and make a plan for moving forward.

This book is a compendium of advice. It is built of bits of science-backed learning that helped me, hundreds of my clients and thousands of research participants. I hope it may help you. But before we get into all the details of how to apply the three steps to your life, I want to give a warning.

This book is deeply imperfect.

It is limited by my own vantage point

and the limited science.

Given these limitations, you will decide whether to wield the words as tools of harm or help. Our science is still so limited. You deserve more and better. But more and better science isn’t here today. This is what we have, and this is what I can offer, humbly and with warning.

Trust your experience, your heart and your senses.

Let’s go gently, taking what is useful and discarding the rest.

Long story short, handle with care.

Hold these lessons with care;

Hold yourself with care.