Between overcontrol and helplessness
Dear Helper,
In overwhelm, we can swing between racing to overcontrol everything and believing that we control nothing.
Between these extremes lies a simpler truth.
There is a small space we can impact directly
but much more that will always be unknowable.
Undoubtedly, our actions will graze others’ futures,
but we may never know how, why or when.
Given this sobering reality, that our know-able impact is small,
what simple action will you take today,
if you have power and freedom to do just one thing?
“Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief.
Do justly, now.
Love mercy, now.
Walk humbly, now.
You are not obligated to complete the work,
but neither are you free to abandon it.”
- from the Talmud (Pirkei Avot 2:16), attributed to Rabbi Tarfon
I hope you all are well, safe, and dry. Early February was stressful here, our whānua (family) was in the midst of lots of transition and I could feel the increasing pressure of a heartbreaking international news cycle.
My Christmas present to myself was a new Fitbit and it's data supported my creeping sense I was off as my resting heart rate climbed and my heart rate variability plummeted. I listened to Bob Dylan's "Song For Woody" on repeat:
Hey, hey Woody Guthrie, I wrote you a song
'Bout a funny ol' world that's a-comin' along
Seems sick and it's hungry, it's tired and it's torn
It looks like it's a-dyin' and it's hardly been born
It looks like it's dying and it's hardly been born.
Why do I tell you all this? Because as I write my 'start here and keep going' talk and am pushed to articulate my personal and professional experience into something practically useful, I feel more and more that the term burnout is simply describing one end of a long continuum.
And maybe part of our regeneration and restorative process is
- monitoring our own wellness
- stepping in with more care and protection when there are mild wobbles, before large emergencies
- and revisiting the pillars of health, over and over, till we die at least.
So what has been helping me?
- Free lovingkindness meditations
- Long walks on the beach
- Humour and love
Wishing you lots of love and ease this week.
Warmly and arohanui, Kerry
Updates
- Openings
- For people living in North America, I have a few openings for professional mentoring and reflective consultation. Email me if you're interested and please spread the word.
- For people in New Zealand, I have therapy openings for people in the helping professions.
- North American Readers START HERE: A Practical Guide For the Overwhelmed, is now available as an e-book on Amazon and Bookshop.
Let's Hang Out!
More details on all events at this link.
- NELSON Book Event: 13 March 2026 Book signing and talk at Page & Blackmore Booksellers
- Day Long Training: 14 March 2026 - "Start Here and Keep Going: Developing regenerative work and life practices after burnout" - all welcome!
- PETONE Book Event: 19 March 2026, joint author talk with Ben Sedley
- Online Training: 15 Sept 2026 "ACT For Burnout" - register here.